The McDonald's Chronicles
by Melody-chan
Summary: An impromptu fic I wrote just for the hell of it. For some reason it stars Usagi Tsukino, but so far it's got Gundam, Evangelion, FF7, and Ranma1/2 references. It's a tale of an everyday McDonald's, run by anime characters. Enjoy, if you can!
1. Chapter One: Don't Quit Your Day Job

The McDonald's Chronicles

The McDonald's Chronicles

By: Melody-chan

Chapter One: Don't Quit Your Day Job

"Uh… Hi?" Tsukino Usagi asked as she poked her head in the door of the Manager's office.

"Come in already." drawled a rather bored voice, and Usagi scooted around the door, coming face to face with a large, heavily built man with facial stubble and a rather potent cigar protruding from his mouth. Flight goggles rested atop his head, for reasons Usagi couldn't fathom, and his blonde hair stuck up awkwardly in several places. "Well?" he grunted, blue eyes boring intensely into her own.

"I'm here for the job interview," Usagi squeaked in a small voice. "Are you Mr. Highwind?"

"No. I ain't no fucking Mr. Highwind, and if you call me that again, I'll rip you a new asshole." He chewed furiously on his cigar for a few moments, and then added, "You can call me Cid."

Usagi stared at him in apparent shock.

"What the hell are you standin' there gapin' at me for?" Cid growled. "Sit down and let's start the interview."

"Okay." Usagi said in an even smaller voice and sat down in the plush chair in front of his desk. "My name is Tsukino Usagi, and I'm looking for employment here at-"

"I know where the fuck you're looking for 'employment'. Let me ask the damn questions. I've just got one: You gonna work, or you gonna fuck around?" Cid demanded.

"Work." Squeaked Usagi in a very tiny voice.

"Good. You start now. Just outside the door is my buddy Vincent. He'll get you an apron. And get a fucking hairnet for those crazy-ass pigtails." Cid said bluntly. Usagi nodded and stood up, backing away from his desk nervously, and then disappeared through the door to the hall.

~*~

"I'm going to die." Usagi said, staring blankly at the frozen french fries in front of her. "I'm going to die, and that madman is going to kill me."

"Don't worry," the guy beside her said easily. "Cid's gruff but he's a softie at heart. You'll do fine." Cleaning off her hands with a towel, he grabbed Usagi's hand and shook it vigorously, his long brown braid bouncing on his back. "I'm Duo Maxwell. Welcome to the fry station." His violet eyes twinkled merrily. "Now let's fry us up some greasy potato sticks, shall we?" he asked jovially, and sunk the basket of fries into a large vat of grease. It hissed and bubbled as the frozen fries hit hot grease. "This is the life, ne?"

"You're insane." Usagi stated flatly, then grabbed a metal basket filled with frozen french fries and lowered it into the grease with care.

"You're doin' it all wrong," a gravelly voice said beside her ear, and Usagi shrieked and nearly tossed the entire bucket of fries on Cid's head. "Here. Lemme have 'em." The older man roughly pushed Usagi aside and grabbed the bucket, practically tossing the fries into the vat. It sank with haste and started bubbling rapidly. "Gotta put 'em all in at the same time, or they come out half-cooked." He told her. "Get it right next time." With that he stalked away, heading towards the other side of the restaurant.

"I am most _definitely_ going to die," Usagi reaffirmed, and turned her attention toward the merrily hissing vat of grease.

~*~

"No! This is the third time this _week_!" Hibiki Ryouga yelled madly as the Icee machine overloaded and spilled cold slush all over his hands. "I can't _believe_ this!" He shook his hands angrily and, splashing cold red crushed onto the walls, walked to the men's restroom.

"I'm sorry," Ibuki Maya apologized to the bewildered customer. "Our Icee machine has been getting out of hand, we'll probably be ordering a new one. What else would you like to order?" She brushed a lock of short brown hair behind one ear and looked at the man expectantly.

"Uh, a burger and fries." He said, still a bit startled by the Icee episode. Maya nodded politely.

"Anything else?" She asked him pleasantly.

~*~

"Medium fries, coming right up!" Duo suddenly sang out, startling Usagi. She looked at him questioningly. "An order." He told her, pointing at the black and green screen above her head. "Medium fries."

"How can you _tell_?" she asked him, staring at the blinking screen, trying to decipher it.

"Order number three, it says MDM FR." Duo explained. "That means medium fries."

"Oh! Okay!" Usagi said suddenly. She grabbed a cardboard box and began shoveling fries into it. "Medium fries!"

"Good job." Cid said into her ear again. Usagi jumped, but this time she didn't scream. "You're getting better." Without another word her left.

"Is he _trying_ to give me a heart attack?" Usagi asked once the burly man was gone. Duo nodded solemnly.

"It's a hobby," the Gundam pilot shrugged. "We deal." He glanced up to the clock, and let out a wild whoop. "Shift's over!" he cried. "Last one out the door works overtime!"

"Let me out!" cried Ryouga as he emerged form the bathroom, hands free of slush, and made a mad dash toward the door. Maya and Duo were close behind him, with a multitude of other employees as well.

"Where do you think you're going?" a familiar voice asked as Usagi placed her box of fries on a tray and handed it to the still-confused customer, trailing out the door behind the other workers.

"I'm going home," she said, pointing at the dispersed crowd as they unlocked cars and trucks.

"Oh no you're not." Cid said, laying a hand on Usagi's shoulder. She stared fearfully at it, and Cid grinned. "'Last one out works overtime', or didn't you hear Duo? Guess who's the lucky winner today?" He steered Usagi around and into the dirty kitchen. "Start on the left and work your way around." He left her standing in utter disbelief at the greasy, dirty, nasty kitchen, and only the click of the lock on the exit door shocked her out of her frozen stance.

"Help me," she choked out to no one, then grabbed a rag and began to wipe the broken Icee machine.

~*~

Author's note: All right! *does a little victory dance* I'm so proud of myself. I thought this little series up while doing my dishes, after I had just finished and posted Part Four of 3C4FS and the bulk of Chapter Three of Heavymetal Butterfly, so this came as a welcome digression. Of course, this bring my currently continuing sagas up to three, meaning more work for me, but Chapter Three of HB will be up soon (a few days, don't worry!) and I've got at least two other projects semi-completed and/or in the works. Exactly how many of them there really are, I wouldn't be able to say. ^-^'' Once again, reviews are more than welcome and Chapter Two of this chronicle is already constructing itself in my head. Adios!


	2. The Check That Pays (a.k.a. Queen Beryl ...

The McDonald's Chronicles

The McDonald's Chronicles

Chapter Two: The Check that Pays

"All right, almost payday!" Ryouga called cheerfully as he sauntered to his cash register. The new Icee machine behind him had replaced the broken one and today, he wasn't getting _any_ slush on his hands.

Unfortunately, the Icee machine had other plans.

~*~

It had been three weeks since Usagi had started her job as an employee at McDonald's, and she had just barely gotten a hold of what to do and what not to do when Cid moved her to the take-out window. Duo waved a solemn goodbye as the large man steered her away, and she didn't take that as a good sign.

"Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?" she asked the microphone. She looked utterly ridiculous, she knew it. And with Asuka Langley-Soryu hovering over her shoulder in obvious anticipation, waiting for her to mess up an order, her nerves were fraying.

"Yes, I'd like two number ones, a Chicken McNugget Happy Meal, and a large fry," the bodiless voice told her from the black speakers, and she hesitantly punched the buttons on her register.

"Nope. Other one. Delete it." Asuka said triumphantly as Usagi misplaced a finger. Usagi gritted her teeth and started over. "Nope. Wrong again." More buttons. "_No_. The _other one_." Yet more stupid laminated bumps that beeped insistently at her.

"Dammit!" Usagi cursed.

"What?" asked the person on the other end of the microphone.

"Uh, nothing." Usagi said quickly, punching the order in – entirely right this time. "Please pull up to the window, that will be sixteen dollars and fifty-three cents."

A red convertible pulled up to the window and she leaned out to take Chiba Mamoru's money.

"Mamo-chan?" she squawked.

"Usa-ko?" he asked blankly.

"Chibi-Usa!" Usagi yelled accusingly, and the pink-haired girl in the seat beside Mamoru cringed.

"What do you want, Usagi?" Chibi-Usa asked.

"What are you guys doing here?" Usagi said.

"Buying food, isn't it obvious?" Chibi-Usa said in disdain. Usagi flushed.

"Of course you're buying food… why are you here?" Usagi said carefully.

"Tsukino, what do you think you're doing? You have other people in line!" Asuka's voice snapped Usagi back into reality and she retreated into the window.

"Please pull up to the next window," she said, then nearly fell out of the window as Ryouga came dancing through the doorway and slammed into her.

"Gyaah! Get it off, get it off!" he shrieked, red slush covering his hands. "That machine is possessed!"

"Nyahahaha!" Came an evil cackle, and Usagi sighed.

"Not her again," she murmured, and Asuka looked at her blankly.

"Who's her-" she began.

"I'm Queen Beryl! I have possess your Icee machine, and you will all suffer!" Queen Beryl cackled.

"What the hell is going on?" Ryouga shrieked, trying to shake the slush off. Instead, it began to crawl up his arms toward his neck. "GYAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

Usagi put her head in her hands and sighed.

"What in the damn hell is going on out here?" Cid's voice came thundering through the restaurant, and Queen Beryl paused in her mad cackling.

"Oh, shit." She squeaked, and abruptly fled.

"Well, that's one way to get rid of her," Usagi contemplated, then shrank back and Cid started walking towards her.

"How are you doing?" he asked gruffly, blue eyes staring challengingly into her own.

"Fine." Usagi managed to get out. Behind Cid, she could see Duo making monkey faces at her, and she stifled a giggle. Cid's eyes narrowed.

"Maxwell, get to work!" he barked, and Duo squeaked and disappeared back into his station. Usagi stifled another laugh, and to her great surprise, Cid actually smiled at her. "Keep it up, pigtails." He told her, then stalked back to his office. Usagi stared at him in surprise until Asuka whacked her upside the head.

"Let's get going, Tsukino!" She yelled in her ear. "Still got three hours left on your shift!"

~

A/N: I can't believe I've actually updated this fic. I don't know what I was thinking when I started it, but I actually have people with it on their favorites list, so… *shrug* I can't delete it, I guess. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter! I seem to have been struck with writer's block, so if you have any ideas you want to see in here, send 'em to me and I'll stick 'em in. Ciao!


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